Posted: Monday, March 29, 2010 by DC in

(Please read my previous post to see the concerned comments that this is about)

People fear what they don't understand. I can understand some people in the world not liking gays. But what really puzzles me is how a parent could stop loving their own flesh and blood.

Mr and Mrs MacP___:

You say that your hopes and dreams for your son shattered when you heard he was gay. Did I miss the email or something? Because last time I checked, someone's sexuality doesn't effect you being successful in life. Your son deserves to have his own dreams, and as parents, you're supposed to support and love him as he strives to achieve HIS dreams, not yours.

And your daughter says she wants to die? What a load of shit. Your son has gone through potentially years of feeling different. Did you ever think about what kind of emotional maelstrom he's been through? For all you know, your son may have wanted to commit suicide. You say that your lives are ruined, that there was no happy ending. What ending???? Would you rather that your son had bottled up his own feelings? How could him trusting you enough to tell you that possibly be ruining your lives? Lets say your son didn't "destroy your lives". He goes through life feeling alone, unloved and unwanted. What if he committed suicide? I suppose that would be good for your all-important "family name" would it?

A "good name and heritage" doesn't mean shit in todays world. People succeed through their own resourcefulness and brains.

I will do no such thing, as you suggested earlier. I will not tell my readers that there is never a happy ending. There is no apparent "happy ending" in your story because YOU make it so. Accept your son as who he is, he is no different as he was before. He is your son. He is the same son you have raised and watched grow for the past 15 years.

Like you said, your wife gave him birth. You gave him your name. But this is his life to live. In no shape or form is being gay your son's fault. And it's not a fucking fault to begin with. Whether you accept it or not, your son is gay. For Christ's Sake, man up and do your duty by him. Love and cherish him, nothing has changed, you've managed to do that for him for the past 15 years. He is still the wonderful person you and your family raised him to be.

Its been scientifically proven that your sexuality is determined when you're born. Its no ones fault, so stop laying the blame on your son for apparently "ruining your life". If you believe in God and not science, does the Bible not say that everyone is created in His Image? And that He loves His creations equally? Don't you see? Your son saw you, his parents, as the ones he could turn to, even when no one else could do that for him. He had tremendous guts to do that. Follow in his footsteps and do the same. Have the guts to do your job as parent, which is to love and support your children no matter what.

I am in no way doubting the great job you have done raising him so far :)
I apologize if what I say sounds insulting, its not intended. But I do believe that you just needed a helping hand to get back on the right track. I would appreciate it if you would read everything I said and take it under consideration. Everything I wrote, I wrote because I care =)

Just remember, anyone that ever feels like talking have a Kiwi friend in me :)
I'm only ever an email away.

P.S @Rosemary:  Feel free to vent whenever and however as much as you want, thats what This is for, and everyone is welcome to share it with me :) You are not to blame for your son Rosemary. There's nothing to be blamed for as he's still the same son you had yesterday as the one you held and nurtured as a baby. I'm glad your son has you Rosemary, I feel so sad about what happened between your son and his father. Feel free to talk here any time :)

@The Therapist:
Sure, I'm not "qualified" in your sense of the word. But I am qualified in a different way. What you have with your experience with cases, I make up for with my personal experiences. I'm glad we both have the want to help and support others.

But I would prefer it if people would stop trying to analyse others. When you do things like that without asking people, it can so easily come across as you judging them. Thats sort of a touchy subject around here as this community come here to escape stress and to be themselves. Whether you intended it or not, you or your associates seemed to come across as aggressive. Instead, it's better to come across as more friendly, as we all support each other rather than try to cold-bloodily analyse them critically. Again, I'm not saying you intended it to sound that way.

DC, still =D


  1. Anonymous says:

    For gods sake it is 2010 why cant people live and let live we are born gay it's in the genes our parents give us. Some parents are just so fukin selfish it's all me me me we want grandkids you have let me down. Duh have look in the mirror you created him you brought him up do you think you have done good by him ? you probably have but but he needs support in these hard times not critisized from the ones he holds closest Sorry for the rant I hope his Parents read this comment

  1. Anonymous says:

    DC good on you - very well said. Just red all the comments in your previous post and man my head is still spinning.
    My thought is all those posts came from one person - the style screams different things comming out of one persons head.
    My opinion is it is a wanna be Nifty writer who is so pathetic even Nifty won't let him post his stories [stinks of troll].
    Any way it really is nice to hear from you DC so I can rub in how the Kwi cricketers are doing - carn the Aussies.
    Serously DC this is an excellent post.
    See ya Stef

  1. Anonymous says:

    Sorry DC forgot to say I love your new template - very cool.

  1. Kay says:

    You are right, kid. Your haven't changed, because the only difference its that now they know ur gay, but whats the matter? they will love u no matter what

  1. Anonymous says:

    Thanks DC... That whole comment from a supposed therapist made my blood boil... I'm sick of defending my God created life to morons like that , who have created the problems for us from the very beginning, with their patronizing remarks that imply that we are all sick and need to be fixed... What's the current fad?? Reparative therapy, or some such nonsense... I really shouldn't get so upset, but I've heard the same sick crap for my entire life... Thanks for the post, kid!! luv, tman<3

  1. drucloud says:

    grate post DC i couldn't agree more with what you sead you seam to be allot more in touch than any therapist or doctor . see you have brightened things up a bit its alright . DRU

  1. AS/DF says:

    Homophobia - a strong, irrational, unreasonable, uncontrollable and pathological prejudiced fear, dislike and discrimination of homosexual people, especially males. - Google (rocks my world!)

    I have no more to say,

    PS. i was wrong/ i have alot to say:
    I like your argument. Most of it used VERY old arguments, but some parts were insightful: especially the therapist(ANYONE who thinks they understand humans, PLEASE tell me. I have to say thet a COMPLETE understanding on EVERYTHING about humans is QUITE interesting!).

    Also, I am not sure (well, no one is) that anyone is born gay. It COULD be a genetic mutation, but then the lack of reproduction would ensure extinction, and homosexuality is NOT new. So if it is genetic, it has to be a dormant gene. and humans have ALOT of dormant genes.

    PPS. To all homophobics and heterosexualist fanatics(and other savages):
    Think of this the logical way:
    What do you get for hurting someone who is trying to be an individual?
    Im sorry to say some people have a "lower-intelligence".. no, let me rephrase that: Some people like to use their "lower-intelligence" more. It's scientifically proven that people display a significant drop of intelligence levels(ie. logic, communication, thinking skills such as art, writing) when performing actions from fighting and killing people to simply swearing.
    It's a shame to lose so much potential to people acting on their lower-intelligence. I pity you.

    ok, formal stuff aside! @DC, thanks for explaining the credit system(did i say it right?) to me. It is VERY different to my school board. For my board, you get 1 credit for taking and passing(with a 50% or ++) a 5-month course. And you only need 30 credits in total, and its quite difficult and rare for someone to get more than 31. thanks for your attention.

  1. AS/DF says:

    whoops, i wrote too much, apologies

  1. JJ says:

    Thats way I feel. Why can't I date my boyfriend like they date their girlfriends. It is okay for one but not for me? How fair is that? They make us hide so we don't have to fight all the time. I don't like to be called names either so I still got to hide. I hate all this hiding. They don't have to hide their girlfriends. Thats all i am going to say. It all just makes me mad. Hugs JJ

  1. Raron says:

    Hey wow i was going to read this before but i have been really busy :S but yeah but i had the same thought as Stef i thought that i was the same person. to me it looked like someone was making up people to make them seem like real people. and if you looked at the time they were very close to eacherother. it was the amount of time i would expect someone to think up a person and write something. i was going to say this just not in the other one and say next time you do that make sure its at different times in the day but i thought i best not. but yeah i saw what Stef said and thought well maybe what i was thinking was right.

    Well done DC. i just dont get why people are 'scared' of gay people or dont acept that they know they are gay when they are a teen. see now im like girls and people dont question that yet if it was to turn round as acutally you know what i like that boy over there. people would be like dont be silly you cant know that yet :S

    Sorry if this is all completely unrelated i dont understand all of it but this is what i thought was going on. Well done again DC :D (shame the d cant be made bigger :P)

  1. Raron says:

    also i meant to say i like the new layout too i thought it was really cool :D

  1. Alan says:

    Conditional love is a waste of good love. Their daughter is jealous and starved for attention. Do the parents realize they MADE HIM, assuming the son is not adopted based on the fathers comment. What cowards these people are. What a sad life they live.

    A name is only as good as the person using it. A name does not indicate good breeding stock, look what happened, a little rainbow sperm popper out of dad and well... you get the picture.

    Hey if you people want to blame somebody, look in the mirror and then look up because we have nothing to do with it.

    Let's be real, people of the same gender have been fooling around for a long time. This is nothing new. Just like people have been runing around nude for a long time.

    But... one day someone said... Hey! I don't like this and I don't want to do this. So they didn't and others realized the same thing and stopped doing it. Then these people, realizing what they were missing out on got mad and didn't want to look silly or feel bad for changing their minds, so they started telling others how bad it was for them and then more people realized they didn't like it either so they stopped. Soon all kinds of people had stopped doing it and some of them realized they missed doing it and wanted to go back but the others said not so nice things to them and guilted them for wanting to go back to do it. Then, all the people who had stopped doing it, got together and said we have to make doing it such a bad thing that no one will ever want to go back to doing it. Then one day some people were talking about it and said how they missed it but didn't want to get into trouble for doing it and they agreed to do it together and not tell. Then as others started doing it and not telling the others that they were doing it, some of the others who were openly doing it said... hummm, I can stop all the hurasment if I publicly proclaim I'm not going to do it anymore and then get some of my friends who like to do it to do the same, then we can all meet and do it privately and not tell anyone which is okay because we realy like to do it with each other and not everyone else, so they all publicly proclaim they are not going to do it anymore and stop. Once all the Not doing it's realized no one was doing it anymore, they got bored and started to miss doing it even more. In anger they accused someone of doing it and after pressuring this person, they admitted that they missed doing it and started doing it again with someone else. That person admitted it and blamed the other person for forcing them to do it and beg for forgivness and promised not to do it again, so all the Not Doing It's said they would except the apology and started to remind everyone why doing it was such a bad thing. Well, in the mean time, all the people who were doing it with their favorite people laughed and went back to doing it without telling anyone. Then one day a person who was doing it with some other people found out there were others doing it and asked if they all wanted to get together and do it, every one agreed and the 2 private groups joined to form a bigger private group. Then as word started to spread to the small private groups that a bigger group of people who liked to do it had formed, they wanted to join that group and once the group got so big, they choose to tell everyone that they are doing it with each other and hence we have the world today, the Are Doing It's, the Will Never Do it's, the Want to Do it, but are to scared to admit it and the Are Doing It's but don't want to admit it.

    Sorry, I just got on a role and thought it would never end.

    Thanks DC for hosting...


  1. DC says:

    Yeah I also thought that the comments did come from the same person, the writing style was very similar and they all signed off the same way, in lower case. But whether or not they were real, I felt like writing this cos like JJ, this topic makes me so mad.
    Oh and AS/DF I like to hear about what you guys have to say, I don't care about length, everyones free to write as much as you want :)

    DC, Still =D

  1. Brandon says:

    Those comments were really hurt full and full of hate and like others have said I think they were all from the same person. It really is terrible the perception that us gays get, it really is negative IMO though most gays are far more caring and understanding than most straight people. I certainly hope my mother would not be like that, and I really don't think she will, when I come out. It's the people (or) person who wrote the comments that that are truly holding the progression of the world back! Sorry for the rant and buy the way you have an excellent blog! I have been reading it for a while and really enjoying it.

  1. Anonymous says:

    @ Alan - I love it - it has a certain logic to it.In many tribal situations they had a storyteller [a very important member of the tribe] whose job was to use stories to explain certain things to that tribe. A good example is the Aboriginal people of our country [Australia].They call it Dreamtime.
    Just got me thinking as I was reading your comment - just thought it might be a bit of interesting trivia.
    Regards Stef

    ps I'm sure the Maori's have the same sort of thing.

  1. Rowan says:

    Hey DC i've been following for a while but only got round to commenting now.
    Just wanted to say that i can really relate to you man, and the post here really shows that you're a strong guy.
    Your blog has kicked off big style, what with the 33 comments on your last post and that anonymous guy spouting all his stuff.

    Aaaaanyway, i'ma be contributing to your comments now too and i'll link your blog in my next post if i remember to ;)


  1. Alan says:

    @Southern, sorry as you've read everywhere, I'm way behind...

    I find you comment quite interesting because I relate a lot of things to stories, hence my trouble getting my own blog going. I can't help but lead into a story...

    yea, the American Indians have a similar person in their tribes and the few I know have made the same comments about me.


Feel Free to comment here. I might not reply back but I see every comment that's written, it's emailed to me.

DC, Kiwi As Bro =D