Coming Out... And A Little Rant...
Posted: Saturday, March 13, 2010 by DC inSo about 7 weeks ago I came out to my parents. It certainly was not how I planned it, as you will soon see.
Basically my mum was very disappointed in my English Exam results. In NZ we have a really retarded system in high school. You pass the year as long as you have 80 credits. You can get one of 4 types of credits/marks for work. Not Achieved, Achieved, Merit, and Excellence. Now we had done practice exams a couple of weeks earlier. In our exams we have to do 5 papers, 4 of them being essays and the other an extremely hard analysis of unfamiliar texts. In the practice exams I only got 3 achieves, 1 merit and a not achieved. Now because I wanted to get better marks (If you get a certain amount of your 80 credits as merit or excellence then you pass the year with 'Achievement With Merit' or likewise with excellence) I decided to focus on 3 of them only. It paid off. The hardest paper, which was the unfamiliar text one, was worth the most credits. I got Merit on that and on one of my essays as well. The other essay i got an achieved.
Anyways, my mum not really knowing the system, goes f***ing crazy, threatening to pull me out of my school, have an interview with the principal, etc, etc. This pissed me the hell of as I'd been going through some very bad times that year (my earlier post, u know, the one about me possible committing suicide? lol). I mean, I go to an all-boys school, every single bloody day I was reminded how fucked up I was (my mind wasn't exactly in the right place as you can tell). So yeah, that sorta stopped my doing great in school that year.
As my mum is going crazy, she's demanding an explanation. So I tell her straight because I'm fucking depressed. Cue more yelling. She then kept on yelling at me until I told her why. I refused. She left the room, saying she wanted an answer when she came back. I wrote on a piece of paper the words "I am fucking depressed because I am gay."
Now my parents are great, very liberal, modern people. They just expect too much from me. I couldn't cope with all the pressure from that and having issues with being gay so I just became extremely moody and depressed. That gave them as a shock, as generally I don't become moody with people.
So Anyhoo, Mum, shocked, finally stops yelling and starts trying to tell me its okay. I just said Get Out, I dont want to talk. After 30 mins, we talked about it, if there was anyone i liked, ect.
So yeah, after then it hasnt been mentioned. Mainly cos they're cool with it. The closest its come to being a topic of a conversation was when we were talking about an upcoming ball thingy a cppl og days ago. And she just said I could take this girl friend of mine (notice its two words not one lol). Btw that also happens to be the girl I mentioned in my profile.
So, as you can see, it didn't exactly come out as how I've thought of doing it.
I guess my biggest shock was when I finally wrote those words down on that piece of paper. Like, I'd known it was true, I'd accepted it but when I saw those words it was like a weight off my chest, I'd told the world who I was.
DC, still =D
Kinda has a ring of finality to it, when you do it that way. I think the first time that I ever wrote down that I was gay, was when I started to write my blog. I mean I came out finally to everyone that mattered years ago..., but when you said that, I realised this was true..., weird huh?
It's a good thing that your parents have accepted you for what you are though, you kinda lucked out there. Maybe it's something in the water over here, mine were pretty accepting ass well..., when I finally told them.
As for that new school system, well I have my doubts. Seems to me like a backwards step if you know what I mean? Still good work though, sounds like you did pretty well to me.
Hugs, Courage and Honour!
Octavius.