Trying To Find My Path

(Please read my previous post to see the concerned comments that this is about)

People fear what they don't understand. I can understand some people in the world not liking gays. But what really puzzles me is how a parent could stop loving their own flesh and blood.

Mr and Mrs MacP___:

You say that your hopes and dreams for your son shattered when you heard he was gay. Did I miss the email or something? Because last time I checked, someone's sexuality doesn't effect you being successful in life. Your son deserves to have his own dreams, and as parents, you're supposed to support and love him as he strives to achieve HIS dreams, not yours.

And your daughter says she wants to die? What a load of shit. Your son has gone through potentially years of feeling different. Did you ever think about what kind of emotional maelstrom he's been through? For all you know, your son may have wanted to commit suicide. You say that your lives are ruined, that there was no happy ending. What ending???? Would you rather that your son had bottled up his own feelings? How could him trusting you enough to tell you that possibly be ruining your lives? Lets say your son didn't "destroy your lives". He goes through life feeling alone, unloved and unwanted. What if he committed suicide? I suppose that would be good for your all-important "family name" would it?

A "good name and heritage" doesn't mean shit in todays world. People succeed through their own resourcefulness and brains.

I will do no such thing, as you suggested earlier. I will not tell my readers that there is never a happy ending. There is no apparent "happy ending" in your story because YOU make it so. Accept your son as who he is, he is no different as he was before. He is your son. He is the same son you have raised and watched grow for the past 15 years.

Like you said, your wife gave him birth. You gave him your name. But this is his life to live. In no shape or form is being gay your son's fault. And it's not a fucking fault to begin with. Whether you accept it or not, your son is gay. For Christ's Sake, man up and do your duty by him. Love and cherish him, nothing has changed, you've managed to do that for him for the past 15 years. He is still the wonderful person you and your family raised him to be.

Its been scientifically proven that your sexuality is determined when you're born. Its no ones fault, so stop laying the blame on your son for apparently "ruining your life". If you believe in God and not science, does the Bible not say that everyone is created in His Image? And that He loves His creations equally? Don't you see? Your son saw you, his parents, as the ones he could turn to, even when no one else could do that for him. He had tremendous guts to do that. Follow in his footsteps and do the same. Have the guts to do your job as parent, which is to love and support your children no matter what.


I am in no way doubting the great job you have done raising him so far :)
I apologize if what I say sounds insulting, its not intended. But I do believe that you just needed a helping hand to get back on the right track. I would appreciate it if you would read everything I said and take it under consideration. Everything I wrote, I wrote because I care =)

Just remember, anyone that ever feels like talking have a Kiwi friend in me :)
I'm only ever an email away.

P.S @Rosemary:  Feel free to vent whenever and however as much as you want, thats what This is for, and everyone is welcome to share it with me :) You are not to blame for your son Rosemary. There's nothing to be blamed for as he's still the same son you had yesterday as the one you held and nurtured as a baby. I'm glad your son has you Rosemary, I feel so sad about what happened between your son and his father. Feel free to talk here any time :)

@The Therapist:
Sure, I'm not "qualified" in your sense of the word. But I am qualified in a different way. What you have with your experience with cases, I make up for with my personal experiences. I'm glad we both have the want to help and support others.

But I would prefer it if people would stop trying to analyse others. When you do things like that without asking people, it can so easily come across as you judging them. Thats sort of a touchy subject around here as this community come here to escape stress and to be themselves. Whether you intended it or not, you or your associates seemed to come across as aggressive. Instead, it's better to come across as more friendly, as we all support each other rather than try to cold-bloodily analyse them critically. Again, I'm not saying you intended it to sound that way.


DC, still =D

So about 7 weeks ago I came out to my parents. It certainly was not how I planned it, as you will soon see.

Basically my mum was very disappointed in my English Exam results. In NZ we have a really retarded system in high school. You pass the year as long as you have 80 credits. You can get one of 4 types of credits/marks for work. Not Achieved, Achieved, Merit, and Excellence. Now we had done practice exams a couple of weeks earlier. In our exams we have to do 5 papers, 4 of them being essays and the other an extremely hard analysis of unfamiliar texts. In the practice exams I only got 3 achieves, 1 merit and a not achieved. Now because I wanted to get better marks (If you get a certain amount of your 80 credits as merit or excellence then you pass the year with 'Achievement With Merit' or likewise with excellence) I decided to focus on 3 of them only. It paid off. The hardest paper, which was the unfamiliar text one, was worth the most credits. I got Merit on that and on one of my essays as well. The other essay i got an achieved.

Anyways, my mum not really knowing the system, goes f***ing crazy, threatening to pull me out of my school, have an interview with the principal, etc, etc. This pissed me the hell of as I'd been going through some very bad times that year (my earlier post, u know, the one about me possible committing suicide? lol). I mean, I go to an all-boys school, every single bloody day I was reminded how fucked up I was (my mind wasn't exactly in the right place as you can tell). So yeah, that sorta stopped my doing great in school that year.

As my mum is going crazy, she's demanding an explanation. So I tell her straight because I'm fucking depressed. Cue more yelling. She then kept on yelling at me until I told her why. I refused. She left the room, saying she wanted an answer when she came back. I wrote on a piece of paper the words "I am fucking depressed because I am gay."

Now my parents are great, very liberal, modern people. They just expect too much from me. I couldn't cope with all the pressure from that and having issues with being gay so I just became extremely moody and depressed. That gave them as a shock, as generally I don't become moody with people.

So Anyhoo, Mum, shocked, finally stops yelling and starts trying to tell me its okay. I just said Get Out, I dont want to talk. After 30 mins, we talked about it, if there was anyone i liked, ect.

So yeah, after then it hasnt been mentioned. Mainly cos they're cool with it. The closest its come to being a topic of a conversation was when we were talking about an upcoming ball thingy a cppl og days ago. And she just said I could take this girl friend of mine (notice its two words not one lol). Btw that also happens to be the girl I mentioned in my profile.

So, as you can see, it didn't exactly come out as how I've thought of doing it.

I guess my biggest shock was when I finally wrote those words down on that piece of paper. Like, I'd known it was true, I'd accepted it but when I saw those words it was like a weight off my chest, I'd told the world who I was.

DC, still =D

These two guys, 4000 miles apart, make such a cute cppl. I hope they get to meet!!
Check out their blog, its pretty cool.

P.S. I found them through your list of followed blogs Stef. =)

DC

Update: Lol srry about not posting the link, here it is.
Cody 'N' Tylers Blog

Aw I'm banned from the computer for this weekend, I'll try to sneak on later and read my emails and your guys comments later.

Raron you're awesome! I gotta thank you for encouraging me to continue, you were the first to comment and make me feel welcome. And you're a Parawhore so I better thank you for that as well bro!

My Fav bit of this one is the Ba Da Ba Da Da bit in the last 30 secs!



And Fences is just plain awesome the whole way through!





Enjoy Raron and any other Parawhores out there!! =P


DC

This has been airing on the TV in NZ for awhile and I swear the first time I saw it I got teary eyed .

Father And Son - Starship Foundation


The music is by Grizzly Bear and its from their song 'Foreground'.

Night PPL'z!!!

DC

While I was depressed, I starting reading some stories. Three of them I really got sucked into and I believe they may have saved my life. They made me feel better about who I was and what life had, hopefully ;), in store for me.

I'll also post them on the side over here =========>

Two of them are on www.deweywriter.com. If you look on the left there's a list of author's. 'For The Love Of Pete', 'Brian And Pete' and 'Brian's Destruction' are one massive story. The other story is the 'Journey Of Love' by The Journeyman.

The other is 'Twinergy And The Boys Of Clear Lake' http://twinergyandtheboysofclearlake.wordpress.com/

DC

This is Awesome, or as us Kiwis would say, Sweet As!!!  :D I managed to read all the comments this morning just before I had to leave for school. You guys made my day!!!
I had another soccer training today, it was for the 1st XI team. Its been cut down from 60 good players down to 22. And in two weeks its going to be cut again to 15 :(
I hope i get in but if not then i'll definitely get in next year :)

Lol confusing title, I know ;P

I was waiting for my next class and I was just bouncing my soccer ball against the wall. Anyhoo, it turns out that it made the clock fall off the wall and break on the ground.... oops
So I hafta pay my formclass teacher 20 bucks for new clock.
Sigh.. Oh well.

But even that couldn't spoil my Day!! Thanks Guys!!!

Night or Good Morning depending on where you are!!!
DC

P.S. That was so freaky, i've got 7 more followers in like a day and 164 page visits!!

I dunno what it is about this song that makes me feel this way, but whenever I listen to it, I cant stop feeling like dancing around and to feel happy. Lol you may not like it much at first (thats what happened to me) but then a cppl of days later i just found myself humming the song and kicking myself for having to wait til i got home b4 i could listen to it on my iPod.

It'll get stuk in ur head, =P

The Kooks - Stormy Weather

People actually seem to look at my profile and stuff! lol i thought i wouldn't get anyone seeing this. =D

No idea how to start this, so..... i guess i'll start off with something that seems to affect a lot of people.

Recently i've been very depressed. It was in last November through to January. I'm generally known in my close family as the person who copes with anything. The problem is, thats not true. Regardless of what my family think, I dont cope with things. They just get bottled up deep down.

Being gay is weird. I can't imagine NOT liking boys because, I'm Gay (im sure that makes no sense lol). I can tell the difference between pretty girls and the rest, I'm just not attracted to their looks or anything. Some girls i like because of their personality. Anyways, back to what i was saying. Being gay is weird because it's something that creeps up on you. Back when I was like 8, I thought about how hard it would be for people to grow up gay. Little did i know, that would be me.

A sorta started realising that I was at least Bisexual when I was 15. This last Christmas was when the truth finally hit home.

My depression got to the stage where I was pondering suicide as a viable option. We were on holiday in Belgium for 2 1/2 months as my dad had to work there for awhile. I had a lot of time at the apartment alone. I was depressed because I couldn't think what the hell to do next. Whenever I thought about my life, the main things that came to my mind were the bad things. The problem with depression is that all the good things in your life just seem to pale in comparison when compared to the bad. You look for something, anything, a light at the end of that dark, lonely tunnel. I looked for hope, anything I could hold onto. I couldn't find much.

My life was just full of hurt. I was so scared that I would never find someone to love. I mean, there was people I could fall in love with, but would they return it or would they reject me and shatter me into a million pieces? Killing myself was a way out. It seemed like the only end of the tunnel. Now that i think back, that light at the end of the tunnel was false, almost like fool's gold. I looked at suicide as a way to end the pain, to escape from my life that just seemed to be full of promises of further hurt to come. I didn't have anything to look forward to.

As you can see, I ain't Dead. I've decided to live my life, accepting the good with the bad. I'm sick of having to cope with my parents expectation to be successful. My view is, life is there to enjoy, to have fun with. Im gonna do whatever makes me happy, or at least not unhappy.

I'm not very good at this, i go off on tangents. Although it probably doesn't make sense to people, i feel like this stuff is something i gotta get off my chest.