It's Not Fair, I Demand An Upgrade

Posted: Sunday, August 29, 2010 by DC in

How come my gaydar never works on the one person I want it to work on the most? I'll be walking around with friends and stuff and then "Ping!" "Ping!" "Ping!". I see cute guys around, but the one I love the most stumps me completely. It's like, some things I pick up on about him, but then other times I don't. Maybe some times I'm just seeing what I want to see.

So anyways on Wednesday we had a half-day at school. Me, him (let's call him L) and another friend went down to Burger King and met up with two of L's friends. One of them was H (the girl L likes) and she's really cool =) me and her were teasing L for ages, he told me I better start siding with him or else =D. They're cute together =P. I liked the advice I got in my last post, it helped knowing people, somewhere, cared enough to help.
I decided I'd rather be around him, even though it hurts. I just like being around him so much, if I'm sad his smile turns me back to grinning again (lol I got a text from him just as I was crying as I write this, life works in mysterious ways huh =)?). Lol the worst was in the school assembly, where I sat next to him for an hour, and unlike a class,couldn't distract myself in my textbooks. It was driving me mental, here I am squashed in the seats with him at my shoulder, and even though we're touching, I ache for more. I had to go find somewhere quiet where I could think and be alone afterward, I just wanted to grab him and hug him forever the whole time while sitting beside him >.>

I just hate not knowing things, like I can't really guess how my friends would react if I came out to them. Plus I found out that L is going away next week on a sports tournament, so I won't see him til next Monday >.< I'm gonna miss him *sigh* I guess that's just life huh? DC 'Broken' by Lifehouse


  1. J.C. says:

    I guess one of the hardest parts of liking the same sex is not knowing, at least for sure, which ones share this same characteristic...

  1. Octavius says:

    Hmmm...,that's a pretty sticky wicket you have there dude. On the one hand you have all these feelings for a guy you don't even know if he shares, then on the other you have the very real sense of danger at losing him if you come clean. To tell you the truth, I really don't envy your position. I hope for your sake that it all works out.

    Having said that though, have you tried to find out what he thinks about the issue? Maybe you could drop a few subtle questions into the conversation, in order to give you a better understanding. At the very least it's worth a try. And if you are subtle and careful, you also have an easy out if things go south.

    Courage and Honour!


  1. Anonymous says:

    DC as usual Octavius's advice is spot on.Also it seems the friendship is still going strong and that can only be good.
    Where you go to fix a broken gaydar - still haven't been able to find an answer to that one hehe!!!!
    Take care Stef

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