Trying To Find My Path

How come my gaydar never works on the one person I want it to work on the most? I'll be walking around with friends and stuff and then "Ping!" "Ping!" "Ping!". I see cute guys around, but the one I love the most stumps me completely. It's like, some things I pick up on about him, but then other times I don't. Maybe some times I'm just seeing what I want to see.

So anyways on Wednesday we had a half-day at school. Me, him (let's call him L) and another friend went down to Burger King and met up with two of L's friends. One of them was H (the girl L likes) and she's really cool =) me and her were teasing L for ages, he told me I better start siding with him or else =D. They're cute together =P. I liked the advice I got in my last post, it helped knowing people, somewhere, cared enough to help.
I decided I'd rather be around him, even though it hurts. I just like being around him so much, if I'm sad his smile turns me back to grinning again (lol I got a text from him just as I was crying as I write this, life works in mysterious ways huh =)?). Lol the worst was in the school assembly, where I sat next to him for an hour, and unlike a class,couldn't distract myself in my textbooks. It was driving me mental, here I am squashed in the seats with him at my shoulder, and even though we're touching, I ache for more. I had to go find somewhere quiet where I could think and be alone afterward, I just wanted to grab him and hug him forever the whole time while sitting beside him >.>

I just hate not knowing things, like I can't really guess how my friends would react if I came out to them. Plus I found out that L is going away next week on a sports tournament, so I won't see him til next Monday >.< I'm gonna miss him *sigh* I guess that's just life huh? DC 'Broken' by Lifehouse